


You Hurt Me

by vaxildamn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Vax'ildan, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:10:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaxildamn/pseuds/vaxildamn
Summary: Basically a fix-it fic for episodes 57/58 where Hotis still happens, but it leads Vax to realize how much he loves Gilmore. Vaxleth isn't a thing in this at all.





	You Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> (I write Vax as trans. If you're confused about me referencing his "cock," I'm referring to his testosterone-magic-enlarged clitoris.)

Vax is half-asleep in his bed in Whitestone when he hears the creaking of his door, and a few knocks. Tossing his covers off and sitting up, he rubs his eyes. “Yes?” Before he gets a response, he looks up and sees a familiar face peeking in, lit gently by the torches in the hall.

 

“I’m sorry if I’m waking you up,” Gilmore says as he smiles softly. “I, uh-” He pauses and looks down at the floor, uncharacteristically shy for some reason.

 

“It’s alright,” assures Vax, still sitting on his mattress, sort of hoping that Gilmore will come and sit with him.

 

“Here.” Shaun smiles again and tosses a pile of fabric onto the foot of the bed. “Come, Vax. I’ve made you a gift.” Something still isn’t quite right about him, but Vax figures it’s just the wear and tear of the work he’s been doing. “Put it on. Come walk with me a while - We have a lot to talk about.”

 

Vax’s heart pounds in his chest, partially out of anxious excitement and partially out of guilt, but he leans down to the pile of fabric and opens it up. His jaw drops a little at the sight of the gorgeous, silk robe in his hands. The deep blue and black fabric, subtly beaded, is like a perfect blend of his sense of style and Shaun’s, and he can’t help but grin from ear to ear before realizing he probably still has oil on his ass from his revenge against Grog’s little prank. Jumping behind the wooden screen in the room, Vax grabs whatever clothing he left back there and cleans himself off before donning the robe - which feels amazingly soft and light against his skin - and fixing his hair a bit. He takes a deep breath and comes out into the hall where Gilmore is waiting.

 

Gilmore looks Vax up and down, his new robe exposing a significant portion of his bare chest before being tied at the waist, and offers him his arm. Vax takes it, and the two of them stroll down the corridor in comfortable silence for a while, Shaun’s hand gently rubbing over Vax’s arm and sending little shivers down his spine. They reach the stairs before Shaun finally speaks up.

 

“I know a lot has happened these recent months,” he begins. Vax takes a deep breath, unsure of what’s coming. “I’ve been watching from afar, keeping tabs on your journey the best that I can… But I still know so little.” They reach the top of the stairs and Shaun leads him out onto a balcony, overlooking the gardens, the stars shining brilliantly above them. The air is crisp and the moon casts a silvery light on Gilmore’s warm, dark skin as he leans against the railing and looks out at the city beyond the grounds of the castle. Vax watches him breathe a few times, and his heart pounds again. He can feel the lump in his throat already.

 

“Some time has passed, Vax. And much of the world moves on to newer, greater threats… But true pain never really heals.” Shaun glances over at him, and his heart clenches in his chest, but he tilts his head to the side as if he doesn’t know what this is about, hoping that maybe he’s wrong. Gilmore turns around to face him and steps closer. “You hurt me deeply. I continue to hurt.” Vax opens his mouth to apologize, but something seems… off.

The next few minutes go by in a blur of pain and blood and fear and falling. Hotis drives a blade into Vax’s gut, assassins attack his loved ones and- Oh, god. Where is Shaun? He doesn’t have the castle guard at his house to help him. Vax throws himself and Hotis off the balcony and the next thing he knows, there are new pools of warm blood and his vision goes black. He doesn’t know how long he’s out, but he comes back to consciousness to the sound of Scanlan’s voice and opens his eyes, his face pressed to the ground. He can still see the rakshasa in his peripheral vision, and lurches over to the sword laying on the ground, sinking it into Hotis’s back and running for his life. Arrows and bullets and spells are flying, and by the time Hotis is a pile of ashes, Vax’s head is spinning and his blood is boiling.

 

When they finally bring the real Gilmore to him, Vax is naked in the hallway of the castle basement, having had the robe removed in the chamber with the orb after it nearly killed him, and has had a lot of time to think. He pushes through Vex, who has her bow up, and, against his better judgement considering what had just happened, practically throws himself into Gilmore’s arms, burying his face in the partially exposed chest.

 

“Oh!” Gilmore hesitates for a moment before embracing the completely unclothed Vax, and sighs as the rogue practically melts into him. “I’m so happy to see that you’re safe, my boy.” Vax doesn’t reply for about a minute, just stays in Gilmore’s arms, and the rest of the group shuffles awkwardly away, patting the bare shoulder as they leave.

 

“I’m glad you’re here, Shaun,” Vax says quietly as he pulls back, now a bit more embarrassed about his state of undress and hiding himself with his hands. “I need to talk to you.”

 

Gilmore searches his face for any sign of what’s to come, if this is going to be like that conversation in the tavern. He’s not entirely sure he can handle that again, honestly, but he smiles and nods, sliding his robe off and draping it around Vax’s shoulders, leaving him in only his silk pajama bottoms.

 

Vax takes a deep breath and looks up into brilliant golden eyes. “I love you, Shaun.” He reaches out to place a hand on Gilmore’s chest.

 

“I know,” Gilmore sighs. “But-” He catches Vax’s hand and starts to push it away.

 

“No. No ‘but.’ I love you.” Vax’s eyes are honest and a little bit desperate and Gilmore lets go of his hand, clearly caught off guard.

 

“But what about-”

 

“It didn’t really work out... And I’ve had a lot of time to think, Shaun, and I just- Especially after tonight, knowing I could have lost you for good- I need you to know how much you mean to me.” He puts his hand back on Gilmore’s chest, stepping closer as his hand slides down to Gil’s waist. “I need you to know that I need you.”

 

“Vax, I- I don’t know what to say. You hurt me-” Vax flinches. “And that’s not to say that I don’t still have feelings for you, my dear, but… Well, you rather complicated things.”

 

Vax looks down to the floor and pulls his hand away. “I know.” There’s a long pause. “I’m so sorry, Shaun…” He starts to move past Gilmore, ready to go drink himself to sleep, but a large, warm hand catches his arm and pulls him back. Gilmore lifts Vax’s chin with a finger and leans down so that their faces are nearly touching.

 

“I didn’t say no, Vax’ildan.” That voice has Vax weak at the knees. Thankfully Shaun wraps an arm around his waist and holds him close, touching his forehead to Vax’s. “Hold on tight.” There’s a swirl of purple energy and a gust of wind and the two of them land in the recently destroyed living room of Gilmore’s home.

 

Vax loosens his grip on Shaun’s arm as he regains his footing and looks around, opening his mouth to ask what had happened before a finger presses against his lips.

 

“Don’t worry about it, dearest,” Shaun says. “I just thought we could use a little… Privacy.” He leads Vax to the kitchen, and starts to prepare some tea as Vax explains the night’s events.

 

“And I guess- I mean, I had been feeling this way for a while,” Vax stammers, still a bit shaken up. “But this isn’t a rebound, Shaun. I want to make that clear to you.” Gilmore nods. “I just realized that… It’s you. It’s always been you, and we danced around it for so long, but no one makes me happy like you do. No one makes me as nervous or as comfortable, or makes my heart race like you. And when I thought you hated me tonight, and then thought about the possibility of you being killed-”

 

“You underestimate me, Vax’ildan.”

 

“It just terrified me, and I realized that I can’t pretend anymore.” He stands up from the table and walks over to where Gilmore is leaning against the counter, setting his tea down and reaching up to brush a stray hair out of Gil’s face. “I love you, Shaun. And I want so badly to be with you.”

 

Shaun sets his tea down at this, and wraps Vax’s slim frame in his arms. “I love you too.” He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Vax’s lips, and as he pulls away, Vax slides his fingers into Gilmore’s hair and pulls him down for more. He’s wanted to do this for so long and his nerves are all on fire and when he runs his tongue over the seam Shaun’s lips, he tastes like spices and the masala tea they’ve been drinking. Gilmore wraps him tighter in his arms and lifts him gently, spinning them around, setting Vax on the counter and nudging his knees apart to stand between them. Vax sighs, and small, high moans escape him as Gilmore starts to kiss down his throat, sucking a red mark at the base. Long legs wrap around Shaun’s waist, drawing him closer, and Vax feels the soft silk of those pajama pants against his thighs. Gilmore reaches between the two of them and unties the cord around Vax’s waist, pushing the robe off and wrapping his arms tightly around Vax’s torso before carrying him to the bedroom, the robe left lying on the counter.

 

Gilmore lays Vax on the bed, careful of his wounds, and hovers over him before kissing his way down the entire slender torso, taking extra time with each scar he comes across and any place that makes Vax tug on his hair. Vax is breathing heavily and squirming under Shaun’s touch and making noises that go straight to Shaun’s cock, but he draws this out for Vax anyways. Gods, his body is as beautiful as Gilmore had imagined, and his skin is salty and smooth, and Shaun can’t help but lick along his adonis lines and suck on the skin stretched taut across his hip bones and make Vax moan his name. That sends shivers down his spine as he lifts one of Vax’s legs over his shoulder and starts sucking little red marks down the inside of his muscled thigh. Vax’s hips buck into the air as Gilmore gets closer and closer, and he whines when instead, his leg is dropped from Gil’s shoulder and the other leg is lifted up for the same treatment.

 

“Shaun, _please_ ,” Vax manages, his voice breathy and desperate as Shaun’s tongue traces along the upper portion of his inner thigh. He can feel his pulse between his legs, he’s nearly dripping wet, and is about to plead again when he feels the warmth of Shaun’s tongue press against him and that plead turns into a long, satisfied moan.

 

Gilmore gives him a long, slow, lick, tasting Vax’s arousal, dropping the leg from his shoulder. He pushes those long legs back and spreads them, the panting mess that is Vax’ildan letting himself be positioned however Shaun wants him. Propping himself up on his elbows, he looks down to see glowing golden eyes staring up at him before glancing down, smiling, and taking Vax’s cock in his mouth and flicking his tongue against it. A choked noise comes from the rogue as his head falls back and his eyes flutter shut. This is everything he imagined it would be on the nights he got to spend alone in his room, and the heat of Gilmore’s mouth is so much better than his own hand.

 

Vax forces himself to look back down, and Gilmore’s eyes are still locked on his face as he swirls his tongue around, and presses it inside. He smiles against Vax when he watches those hazel eyes flutter shut, and twists his tongue again, teasing with it for a while before returning his attention to Vax’s cock. At this point, Vax has given up on subtlety and is now loudly begging for more, yes, there, faster, please, Shaun, _yes,_ as Gilmore sucks and licks and kisses.

 

Suddenly the hands that have been tugging Shaun’s face into Vax’s groin are shoving him off and he hears “Stop, Shaun, stop, stop, stop.” Gilmore looks bewildered, wondering if he’s done something wrong, but Vax pulls him up into a kiss, licks some of the dampness from Shaun’s lips, and whispers, “Not like this. I don’t want to finish like this.” He flips Shaun onto his back with a surprising amount of strength, and strips his lower half, leaving him fully exposed, his half-hard cock resting against his thigh. Vax runs his hands up the warm, dark skin of Gilmore’s thighs, and wraps his elegant fingers around the shaft. He gives a few lazy strokes as Gilmore hums his approval before licking him from base to tip and watching Shaun’s mouth drop open. His tongue presses against the head of Shaun’s thick cock before he wraps his lips around it and takes it slowly, almost torturously slowly, into his mouth. Vax holds Shaun’s hips against the bed with one hand when they start to roll involuntarily, interrupting the rhythm he was setting. His other hand in between his own legs, two fingers inside him and moving to that same rhythm, and he’s moaning around Gilmore’s cock, which is now completely hard. Shaun manages to say “stop” in between shallow breaths and moans and praises for Vax’s gifted mouth, and summons a jar from one of tables beside his bed. He takes some of the slick liquid in the palm of his hand and strokes himself a few times as a wide-pupiled Vax crawls back up his body and straddles his hips. He presses a needy, messy kiss to Shaun’s lips as he sinks down onto his cock and whimpers into Shaun’s mouth.

 

“Goddess, you feel so good,” Vax moans. “Better than I ever dreamed.” He lifts himself off almost all the way before sliding back down and shivering as Shaun rubs that spot inside him that makes him see stars.

 

“You- oh _fuck_ , yes- you too.” Shaun’s voice is getting raspy and his fingers are digging into Vax’s hips. He can feel the thighs on either side of him tremble as Vax raises and lowers himself, and holds him tightly as he rolls them both over. Vax winces as a cut from earlier that evening is brushed against. “Are you okay, Vax’ildan?” comes Shaun’s soft, concerned response. He nods, but Shaun still hesitates.

 

Vax looks him in the eyes and earnestly, if not a little desperately, says, “Fuck me, Shaun.”

 

That’s all Shaun needs to hear, and he presses a kiss to one of the healing bruises as he rolls his hips forward and Vax lets out a high moan. He starts gently, slowly, hoping to make this last as long as possible, Vax is whispering his name and dragging short nails lightly down his back, and he starts picking up the pace. With every snap of his hips, he earns a moan or a sigh or some plea to never stop, and Vax is now digging his nails into Shaun’s shoulders and holding on for dear life.

 

Gilmore braces himself on one forearm, and his finger swipes some of lubricant from between the two of them and starts rubbing over Vax’s cock and now Vax can’t say anything other than “Shaun” and “yes” and his eyes squeeze shut and his body starts to tense. Shaun feels heels digging into the backs of his thighs and then Vax tightening around him, making his hips stutter. Vax comes loudly with Shaun’s name on his lips and the sight of him coming completely undone, his cheeks and the tips of his ears a bright pink, sends Gilmore over the edge with him, moaning “Vax’ildan” before collapsing onto his forearms and breathing heavily.

 

Vax starts to kiss him softly, and whines a little when Shaun pulls out to lay beside him. His eyelids are heavy now, and he rolls over to lay his head on Gilmore’s chest, and listen to his slowing heartbeat, and run his fingers through his chest hair.

 

“I love you, Shaun,” Vax whispers as he closes his eyes.

 

“I love you too, Vax’ildan,” is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
